Congratulations to our new Miss Gay UsofA Tamisha Iman! She did do a wonderful job. I really wanted Whitney Paige to win (who came in first runner up). She also has said that this was going to be her final year competing for the title although I hope she changes her minds and comes back another year because she would make a n excellent Miss UsofA. Tamisha Iman, May you have a fabulous reign. I was also disappointed that Victoria West didnt make the top 12. She did however win best non finishing contestant so she was that close! It was a wonderful pageant though. Nina DeAngelo, Whitney Paige, Kofi, Tamisha Iman's talents were really great as were many of the others. I loved Armani, Whitney, Tamisha, Nina, Kofi in gown.Necole Love dupri really worked it gown too. The formers also perform during breaks and Maya's performance was truly magical. She performs and looks you in the eyes making you feel like shes performing just to you while making everyone in the room feel this way. She really appreciates her audience. Truly magical. Ooo I loved this red gown that Erica Andrews wore during her guest appearance. The opening Number was also very hot. I want the video from this one. I briefly ran into Kelly and Aspen and that was nice. They sat at table 62 and I was at table 63. During evening gown I moved up closer and stood up so that I could get a better view. I had alot of fun and really enjoyed myself. I got to see all of talent and all of evening gown but had to leave early before the crowning happened because I had to be home by one am. I knew it was going be between Tamisha and Whitney and I was right. I hope next year Krystal Summers competes too. I got some great pictures with Victoria and Maya and of the contestants,it was a wonderful pageant and I had a great time filled with memories for a life time.
My hardrive finally came yesterday but I havent gotten around to installing it yet.
My sister left today for her trip to Cancun. I have a week before I start summer school. Tommorow I think I am going over to Jerry's to watch Queer as Folk if he is feel better.

well tonight, my mom, my sister and I are going to a showing of the new Star Wars movie thats being put on by her work. free drinks, popcorn and pizza. It should be fun. tommorow, Jen and I are going to Oliver's to get her wig filled and hilighted. Tommorow evening I am getting my hair hilited and I think i am going to have her do my eyebrows (wax them I mean not dye). Friday is Miss Gay UsofA and Im buying my tickets tommorow at the Crowne Plaza Hotel after we go to Oliver's to get Jen's wig done. I am so excited. Ill take pictures and report back on how it was. What will I wear? oh there's plenty of time to think about that. Saturday my friend Gloria is in some play in Denton at Art 6 and Im going to see it. It is actually showing Wednesday through Saturday with tickets $4 but Im not sure what the name of the show is. I hope Jerry will go with me. Summer school starts June 6 and Ill start taking sign language and U.S. History. Right now, Im reading Superstitious , R.L. Stine's first adult novel. So far, its very good. Today The light before day came in for me as I had put in hold. Its the third novel from Anne Rice's gay son, Christopher Rice. His last two were very good and Im very excited about this one as well. Now that its the summer, I have more time for pleasure reading. that lady in the library's hair right now is too cute. Valerie Lohr would be proud.I just want to say congratulations to Aspen for becomingthe newest member of Edna's Angels in Rose Room!And I jusyt read on aspentyler.com that you can come to Station 4 on Wednesdays and enterKrystal Summers' Best Chest Contest
and you can win an IPOD!Contest is open to both men and women and begins at 12 midnight.(how fun! wish I could go. oops I forgot my curfew on wednesday is 1030!) Oh miss aspen, you do look sickening at Edna's Angels. Alright fish! work it out! love the picture of you and heather in matching white dresses! HOT!! well I guess I better get off the computer and go home cuz I got an hour to get dressed for Star Wars. Good luck my friend Nancy on your move and enjoy your beautiful new house. Until next time, huggs and kisses and remember dont do anything I wouldnt do!

its friday

My dad and I got in this stupid fight last night about the mass media because I made some comment which my dad just had to challenge. He got really upset at me and threatened to kick me out. He wouldnt though. I really want to though like I want to get my own apartment year round and not have to come home this semester. Im tired of being treated like Im still a high school student when I come home. Oh I got my grades for the spring Semester. I made a C in Costume 1, B in Music and the Human Imagination, A C in World Lit, and a B in Stage Production. I was supposed to get an incomplete in History of Costume and Decor but I got a C instead. I have to follow up with Barbara about that. Im taking Business Calculus, Sign Language, and U.S. History during the summer. I think taking Sign Language will help me a lot in drag performing too cuz it will give me alot more control over my hands and also as my friend Seth was saying last night,american sign language is not just about the hands its also the way you flick the hand, the way you shrug your shoulders or move your eyebrows. all very deliberate. Im excited. Tonight Mark is getting paid and he wants me to go to the bars with him. I guess we will go to JRs first and then go to Station 4. Bobby needs to be our waitress this time though if we open a tab because I do not want that stupid waitress to serve us again and have a drama scene like happened with Ian that one night. Im excited though because I have not been there in forever and would love to see the rose room show. Cassie, Celeste, Maya, Valerie, Whitney and Layla perform tonight with special guest Tersa Matthews. Id rather go tommorow night when Celeste Martinez
Maya Douglas
Valerie Lohr
Whitney Paige
Krystal Summers
Layla LaRue perform because Krystal is performing too. Ill talk to Mark about it. My mom said my dad wants to go out and do something with me. Take him to the Rose Room. HA! like that would happen! maybe someday in a land far far away. This sunday is the premiere of queer as folk on showtime and I plan to watch it with Jerry over at his place, hopefully. Tommorow Im going to see Ashley Barnett cuz its her off day. It would be alot of fun if me, mark, and ashley could all go to the bars tommorow night. I havent heard from Mark yet so I dont know what is up. Next friday, a week frm today is Miss Gay UsofA and Mark is going to help me out with getting tickets. Im so excited. It is so much fun. I look forward to it every year. usofacomputers.org is the website if you want to get tickets. I think Mark is going with me. Well thats all for now. Im about to leave the library and go home and have lunch.

So moving out of my dorm was not a very fun experience. Well see I wasnt quite prepared to move everything out of the dorm when my parents got there so some things were still loose. Well there was like one loose leaf page from a drag pageant that on one side said "black eyed pea supports Miss Gay Texas" and on the other side
"Good Luck Allysa Edwards" with lots of pictures of her and then right next to it was a picture from a magazine which was Christina Augilera (sp) from a Mac ad and her makeup was quite exagerated. She looked like a drag queen and my dad was all like what is this? I find this quite offensive and I want anything like this to be thrown away. We were going through more stuff putting stuff in boxes and my mom comes across a pink thong and was like "whose is this?" . I said I didnt know and that I think Mela or Claudia had changed here once. My mom was like "well gross" and threw them away. She also came across a neclace and the case bag from some target holiday gift makeup set that i had long forgotten about. my mom was like is this your friends too? and Im like yea. Well she threw awat the red velvety bag (i didnt care about it anyway) and of course we kept the neclace. There was also a picture of ME in drag which was lying on the floor but fortunately I found it and hid it before my mom could get to it. Later on that evening my dad made a point again to tell me to threw everything away that was like "that". He never said the word gay or drag which is funny to me. and I again said oh it was just some pictures from a magazine. they didnt mean anything to me and they were like no some were polaroids and my dad pulls out this picture that I took from my 20th birthday in the rose room with 5 queens on the stage doing the final number. He was like you dont need to be going to these kind of events,you need to guard yourself against them blah blah blah and he was like did you take this picture which i said no because i didnt want to get into a big argument and he was like you sure you werent there and i said yes again altho I wanted to say yea I was there and so what Im 21. I can go to drag shows if I want. You need to let go some. I felt very threatened in my own house and which I didnt have to come back home this summer like if I lived in an apartment. Last night (wed) i got in "trouble" well not realy trouble but i was told from now on I need to be home by 1030 on "work nights" cuz i disrutp my dads sleep. worknights are sunday through thursday which only leaves friday and saturday for me to be out past 1030 and HELLO IM 21!!!! I deserve more freedom than that.

Reflections

Fortune of one means less for some.
-Sarah McLauglan


So its a peaceful calm beautiful afternoon
for a peaceful soul I have despite it all
My pillows not done
My dress isnt done
Im not done
Im a work in progress
lessons I learn
will i learn
or go back to habits I spurn
growth change this I yearn
End of this semsester, a beggining of something new
As I take down the pictures on my wall
Im reminded of things that have happened to me in this room
new people in my life
goodbyes to some
war and disharmony I said farewell too
didnt think I would keep putting up with your bullshit did you?
the lady who paints the mermaid and the lotus
Meeting YOU
Intentions are just to....
differences between intentions and desire
Waiting til tommorow but finding tommorow has its own plans
hard times make you stronger
know it seems like it will never come
wait alittle longer
New surroundings
change of pace
People moving
People destroying
packing
untacking
Thankful for what this year has brought me
Although I might edit out a few scenes
though happened for a reason
now its a new season
look at me now
since youve been gone
im happy free and loved for being exactly me

Today I asked Barbara if I could get an extension of turning my history of costume and decor project in by tommorow and she said no but she would give me an incomplete and I could make that incomplete up next semester. Basically I just turn the paper in next semester and then Ill get my grade, no grade penalty for that. She knew that me and gloria had spent the whole night at the costume shop and I had actually spentfrom like 3pm yesteday til 130 today on it straight (with like 2 breaks) I had spent time on it earlier in the week and the week before too so it wasnt a procrastination issue here really just took a long time. So Barbara new i was exhausted. So She told me David, you have already tortured yourself wnough with this costume final project and you dont need to try to pull all nighter tonight too. You need sleep. It would be a waste of your time and my time for you to try to turn it in tommorow. plus she said she wasnt going to be there tommorow. We had a good talk about procrastination and I was just really open and honest with her. She was in one of her good moods( shes very moody) and was really understanding. I mentioned somethjng about getting on the internet to just check my email and staying on for three hours and not realizing it. She said she could relate to that too. She complimented me on being smart and how my written work that I turn in is really great and clear and how I need to translate that to my vocal. She said like during my design presentation and sometimes with her one on one talking that Im not as good as communicating my ideas but when on paper, im really good and that I should work on making that come through my vocal expression too. She was very non judgemental about my procrastination stating that it was a big problem with alot of people this semester (which was really true, I dont know if its college students or theater people or what but yea bad procrastinators) but how I can work on that. It was good honest dialogue that I really appreciated having with her. Not having to do that project tonight took a huge weight off my shoulders. my dress almost got done like I have to finish sewing the sleeves into the garment, zipper (who would have thought so hard) , hem the bottom and the lining. For the fashion show they pinned the back where it would normally be zippered and they pinned one finished sleeve into the garment. (most of my classmates didnt even realize it was pinned but I told them) I was going to perform a minute or so of my song but when I got up there I was just too tired to do it with the force I wanted plus my makeup was done in like 10 minutes, lol. base, black eyeshadow and red lipstick. no highlight or shadow! OMG! lol. it was fine and I think I will still get a good grade on the dress. Well im off to throw away junk and undecorate my personal space that I inhabited this year.

well I made a 95 on that exam so I am very happy with that. I made an 86 on my MUHU exam. I now have to finish my dress, finish my history of costume and decor project, my pillow and Im done!I also made a 149 out of 150 on my project 3 for MUHU!

The tragedy that almost was

So I was sitting in my dorm room doing some last minute studying, I go on Webct and look at the calendar (because we have to know all the authors on the calendar whether we covered them in class discussion and lecture or not) just to make sure I had not forgotten an author or title. I am going through the calendar, Im making some flash cards and feeling good. Hey Its only 1115, I still got plenty of time to do last minute touch study for this final. I arrive at May and all of a sudden today's date on the calendar jumps out and the times on the calendar do not say the exam starts at 1230 like I thought ( I checked the finals schedule online at the official UNT website a few days ago but I obviously read it wrong because I thought for sure it was at 1230) instead its at 1030 and Im almost an hour late to the exam. I am in a state of panic. I drop everything, forgetting my keys, and run as fast as I can through the dorm hallways, down the stairs and to the bus stop. By the time, I get on the bus I can hardly breathe, I am having like an anxiety attack and am about to burst into tears at any minute. I was so afraid that since it was only a 40 question exam relatively easy that everyone would not have needed more than an hour and that when I arrived in the classroom, it would be empty. As empty as my grade in that class would have meant because if you miss the final, you get an automatic F in the course regardless of what grade you currently have in the exam. Well I take the bus and the bus driver lets me off alittle closer than normal to help me out and I belt out of that bus like a speeding bullet fueled with adrenaline running through campus like a sprinter. I take the two flights of stairs up and heres the moment of truth, will anyone still be there? Do I still have a chance of passing this class. I get there about well I guess 1130 although I didnt have my cell phone on me and I walk into the room and not a single classmate is there. The room is not empty though: sitting in the far upper right corner grading the final is the teacher's assistant who I tell in my emotionally overwhelmed state that I got the exam times mixed up. She tells me calm down, dont worry, relax, you have an hour and this is an easy exam anyway. I take my exam and take my time. I think I did well. The grades will be posted this afternoon. The bonus question which I definitely got right and I thought was pretty cool was "what is the meaning of carpe diem". Of course, it is seize the day, which is exactly what I plan to do now. Working on completing everything else is now my focus, I am going to seize the day and make this a productful and wonderful day. My emotional storm within has calmed. If I work efficiently as a hard worker, everything will get done. Im off to seize the day because everything cant wait til tommorow and how do I even know there will be a tommorow? Only today is promised to me. I really do feel too that it was by the blessing of God that I went online and went on WebCT and that time was brough to my attention. Thank You! And Im off........

To my mom

This mother's day I dedicated this song to my mother

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


My mom is one of the most gracious and giving people I know. She does so much for me and the family. Although We dont see eye to eye on everything and there are areas of my life which I wish I could be more open with her about, I am very close to her and love her dearly. Today I thanked her for her efforts, her time and her devotion.

the pattern

.

this is the dress im going to make. i had to make some compromises but I think this will work for what I want. Im going to start cutting today. Im going to make it all red instead of having lacey sleeves. It is going to be red satin.

I'm just me, I'm enough

This is a song called "Me" by Kina
I just love the lyrics and I thought I would share them with you
(this was also the song that Deja Davenport won Newcomer of the Year with and Kelexis Davenport won MIss UsofA at Large with)

My heart's jumpin'
God, I'm feelin' open
Spent a long time mopin'
Get a load of me, feelin' free
No pain no more
No blockin' up my own door
All anger out my back door
God, it's good to see

Life,
Got kinda hard, I faced it
Fought and cried and almost gave in
All negative forces faded
Love of me just walked right in

I'm just me, I'm enough
With myself I'm in love
I've been weak, I've been low
Made me strong, now I know
I'm just me, I'm enough
Nothin' less, nothing more
I wish everybody could just feel this kind of

love

Feels good, feels fine, feels good, yeah
My mind's older
Chip's fallen off my shoulder
All need to prove is over
Good enough for me
Found willingness
Found will to be courageous
No need to feel defenseless, Peace

I'm just me, I'm in love
With myself I'm in love
I've been weak, I've been low
Made me strong, now I know
I'm just me, I'm enough
Nothin' less, nothing more
I wish everybody could just feel this kind of
love